I’m Back! Featuring Past Mistakes…

Wow… so the last time I wrote a blog post was May 6th, 2023. So much has happened since then, and honestly, I kind of forgot about this whole blog. Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty shitty about myself, and all I’ve wanted to do is vent. I kept catching myself talking everyone’s ear off—my incredibly patient boyfriend, my supportive friends, and my amazing family—about everything that’s been weighing me down.

And don’t get me wrong, I love venting to them. But it got to the point where I felt like I needed to just braindump instead of constantly opening my mouth. Then it hit me… I literally created a blog for this exact reason two whole years ago, and I’ve done absolutely nothing with it!

So here I am, reviving this baby, because nothing makes me feel better than aggressively typing out my thoughts. Seriously, the faster I type, the better the vent.

Now that my little reintroduction is out of the way, let’s get into what’s really been on my mind: Feeling like I’m not enough and obsessing over my past mistakes.

A little backstory—2024 was a trip, to say the least. I decided to take a big leap of faith and try something new. At the time, I was nannying for a family and their little boy was taking swim lessons. My job was to bring him to his instructor’s house for lessons, and after watching her work, I started thinking, Hey, this could be a great side hustle.

It made total sense in my head. I was on the swim team and played water polo throughout high school. I love the water, being outside, and working with kids—hence, why I nanny. Plus, in South Florida, swim lessons are a huge business. I had always pictured myself as a teacher, but let’s be real—the pay is unlivable (don’t even get me started on how underpaid teachers are, that’s a rant for another day).

So, after talking to the swim instructor, I decided to train under her and become an infant swim instructor myself. At first, it seemed like the perfect plan. But halfway through training, doubt started creeping in.

I realized I wasn’t as into it as I thought I would be. The grass wasn’t as green as I expected, and honestly, I felt naïve for not realizing how tough it would be. Working with kids who scream, cry, and hate hearing my name 95% of the time? Yeah… that hit different. Especially coming from nannying, where the kids adore me—even when I have to be stern. That being said, three months of training later, I was done. I didn’t want to do it anymore. And as you can imagine, I was flooded with so many emotions—anger, sadness, disappointment.

I really just felt like I had wasted my time, my energy, and A LOT of money. I was frustrated with myself for not realizing sooner that this wasn’t what I truly wanted. I kept thinking, Why did I even start this in the first place? Why didn’t I trust my gut when I first started having doubts?

I felt like a HUGE failure.

All along this journey, my boyfriend was there—talking me down from my spirals and reminding me of something really important, something I didn’t fully grasp until months later: Not every risk we take is going to pay off the way we expect. And that’s okay.

Some experiences aren’t meant to be wins; they’re just lessons in disguise. And sometimes, those lessons end up being even more valuable than the success we originally hoped for. This was my first big “girl” investment in myself, my life, and my first signed and sealed contract. I’ve been lucky enough to have such generous parents who put me through college and helped out whenever possible, so this one was all on me. I spent my hard-earned money on this, and it was truly liberating. I made big girl decisions and negotiated everything on my own.

Yes, it hurt watching that money leave my account each week. Yes, I was scared to sign that legally binding document. But I did it, and it was mine.

This experience also taught me to do more research and take things slower next time. My dad always taught me to sleep on things, and to this day, he says, “If it sounds too good to be true… it might be, unfortunately.” I definitely learned the hard way that I was young and naïve to think that everyone was a friend.

So this brings me to the moral of my story… Sometimes, you have to take a leap to realize it wasn’t the right jump—and that’s not a failure. It’s just part of figuring things out.

Not every risk will lead to success, but every experience, even the ones that don’t work out, teaches you something. And that lesson? It’s just as valuable as the win.

Luckily, I didn’t get burned too badly in this experience, but I’m grateful for the lessons it taught me early on. It’s all part of the process of growing and figuring things out. Thanks for reading and taking the time to ‘listen’ to me vent.

Until next time,

Ella xoxo